Quotes from Steven Wright, one of my favorite comedians.


Although Nassau does have a comedy club called 'The Joker's Wild', located at Atlantis and worth a visit, Steven Wright is not playing there. In fact, as far as I know, he has absolutely nothing to do with The Bahamas.


But if you don’t laugh at some of these, you may need to have your funny bone checked!



-A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.


-Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.


-Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.


-Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?


-Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?


-Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.


-Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.


-Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.


-For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Follow up:

-I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.


-I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.


-I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.


-I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.


-I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.


-I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.


-I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.


-I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.


-I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!


-I intend to live forever. So far, so good.